Twin Soliloquies
by PhotonsBeFree
Summary: You can't control who you fall in love with. A very, very mild T. New: Gillian in the off hours.
1. 1A Zoe

A/N: This just came to me while I was stuck trying to write a multi-chapter story for you lovely people. Don't ask me why I'm posting something so sad the day before Valentine's day. :)

These are the confessions of Zoe and Alec as they reflect on their failed marriages. It's more of a character study than a story, an idea of what they would say to their therapists if they were feeling unusually honest. They are designed so that you can read them separately, but I think that they are better when read together.

Disclaimer: I don't own any television shows. Not one.

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_Twin Soliloquies_

Zoe

"_Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences."_

_-Isadora Duncan_

You can't control who you fall in love with. I couldn't. Did I want to fall in love with Cal Lightman, psychology student? Not at all. He was ambitious, no one could deny that, but then, no one could deny that psychology didn't pay for the kind of lifestyle that I was planning on. When he told me he was into the research side of it, I admit that I was relieved. At least his wife wouldn't have to deal with all that misery shrinks get from their clients.

Did I think about having his last name the first time we met? Of course I did. I thought about that a lot back then, when I was young and foolish. I thought I was a hard-nosed, logical cynic, but now I can see how much of a hopeless romantic I was. He was shorter than me, but I'd always liked that in a man. I like wearing the pants, and Cal, well, he didn't seem to mind. Sure, I found him irritating and nosey at first, but he wasn't a chauvinist or racist like the guys at the law school. And when he found out about what he calls the black and white leaves on my family tree, I think he found me even more attractive. To him, I was exotic and exciting. That was when I knew he had me for good.

Of course, I hate him. I always hated him. I always loved him, too. It's complicated. I told myself not to marry him, even as I was saying yes to his proposal. I went home that night and told myself to go back in the morning and say no, but I didn't. I couldn't. I'm not an expert in expressions, like he is, but I could see how much he loved me. I could see that his love for me was honest and true, and I knew that he'd be faithful to me as long as I breathed. I was a bi-racial law student, the first person in my family to ever go to college, and the first woman in my family to ever venture outside of the home. But I hated myself so much back in those days. No, it was a kind of loathing. Disgust, as Cal would call it. So when he offered me love, I took it. I snatched him up before anybody else could. I'm a lawyer, after all; I didn't get where I am now without being fiercely competitive.

I can't believe that I was stupid enough to think that he could fix me. At the time, he made me feel so good about myself, like I was his princess. Sure, we fought all the time, but it was never serious. It was a game. It was the weirdest way of showing how much we loved each other. Cal loves things like that. He loves to say, "I love you," in every way he can think of without saying the words directly. When we were standing on the altar, I told myself to run, but I couldn't. I was addicted to the way he loved me—I couldn't run away.

For a long time, we were so happy together. I know it sounds strange, when you see how were are now, to believe that we were ever happy, but we were. I was worried when he said he had to go to New Guinea. We had been married for less than a year, and I couldn't stand being away from him for so long while he was stomping through some jungle in the middle of nowhere. But he gave me the most beautiful gift before he went away, a gift we would name Emily. My whole life, I never wanted to be a mother. I wasn't the type. Of course, I never wanted to be a wife, either. It scared me to be alone and pregnant, but he promised that he'd be back before she was born. He wasn't there to see how many times I almost went and stopped Emily from coming into this world, and he would hate me if he knew. Why wouldn't he? But somehow, I got through it. Somehow, I made it to the delivery room, and when I looked at that perfect face, I knew that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. When Cal saw her for the first time, I knew that he would be as loyal to her as he was to me.

In the end, I did run away. I left him. But it's just, I couldn't take it anymore. I know it's a cliché, but he'd changed. He thought he was God. The more he went to school, the more he learned about facial twitches and all that crap, the more I became his favorite subject. One day, I just realized that I wasn't his wife anymore—I was just his favorite thing to study. And slowly, all of that disgust and self-loathing started creeping back in. You don't know how betrayed that made me feel. He was watching me, always watching me, but he could no longer see me. It was unbearable. I tried to make him leave, I tried to show him how bad it was, but that was one thing he just couldn't learn. No matter what I did, I couldn't get him to leave me.

I had to get out.

I see the man that I married every once in a while, but only when he's looking at our daughter. He made his mistakes with me, I guess, and now he knows better. Now, he knows that you can't just barge in and rape a woman of all of her secrets. There has to be a line, even in a marriage. If he knew that when we were married, maybe I'd still be Mrs. Zoe Lightman. Maybe not.

I know that I'm messed up. I lie awake at night wondering if I've already ruined my daughter's life beyond repair. Now she has to deal with two egotistical, messed up parents who love and hate each other all at the same time. Who love and hate themselves all at the same time. I don't know how Emily has managed to make it this far, with parents like hers. Someday, I'll make it up to her, by marrying Roger, or by fixing whatever's screwed up in my head. I hope to God she knows how much I love her, how I would do anything for her. I know I don't show as much affection as I should, but I try.

Every day, I wake up, and I try to be the mom that Emily deserves, knowing that as much as I hate him, Cal gave her to me.


	2. 1B Alec

_Twin Soliloquies_

Alec

"_A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams."_

_-Yiddish proverb_

Gill was so beautiful on the day I met her. Radiant, I think, is the way that people would describe it. She was standing on the other side of a window, and I was on the outside, looking in on the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen. I knew then that I had to have her.

I had put my life back together, back then. I had gotten clean, and I had a good job, and things were looking up. If I played my cards right, maybe someday I would be important. I wanted so desperately to give that to her, to be a knight for such a princess. Once or twice in your life, you come across a person who is so good, so loving, that you feel like it's an honor just to be around her. When she walks into the room, the lights get brighter and your troubles melt away. That's the kind of person that Gillian is. Marrying her was the best thing I've ever done. Maybe I should have done more things.

It wasn't easy, of course. Nothing worth having is easy to come by. We got together in what can only be described as a courtship. On her first date, I took her to a nice restaurant, then a long walk along a bridge under a moonlit sky. I was a perfect gentleman the entire time—I opened the door for her, I showered her with praise, and I didn't even ask her for a kiss in return. That's how you woo a woman like Gillian. In a way, it's how things work at the state department: you go to the right meetings, you do the right favors for the right people, and slowly, gently, get yourself what you desire most. It took me years to get her to give herself to me, but when I saw her looking at me from across the altar, I knew how lucky I was. If only I hadn't forgotten.

For a long time, we were so happy together. I would come home every day, and there she would be: smiles and sunshine. She had this way of smiling at me that made me feel warm from the inside out. Every time she looked at me, she was telling me how much she loved me. I wish she still did. Back then, I did everything I could to make her happy, even when she brought home the brand of misery that only shrinks have. I moved heaven and Earth for her, and she pretended not to need more.

She wanted a child, and when we couldn't have one of our own, I did everything we could to give her the daughter she wanted. I never knew that a man could fall in love with someone else's baby. Before that moment when I first met Sophie, I thought my wife would have to give her all of the love she'd need, because I wasn't the type. Then, Gillian begged me to rock her to sleep in the hopes that we'd bond, and I just fell in love with her. She was mine, too. I had two of the prettiest girls in the world to call my own. But Sophie, who was the true love of my life, got ripped away from me. Taken. I was her father, but I was never to see her again, and no matter how many favors I tried to cash in, or how many strings I tried to pull, she was gone for good. I was broken inside.

I can't believe that I was stupid enough to think that she couldn't fix me. I can't believe that I was stupid enough to think that I could hide from her the habit that, I thought, would never come back. At first, you tell yourself that you're doing it for her, that telling her would only hurt her. Then, one day, you get weak, and you're so ashamed of what you've done that you can't bear to be any less in her eyes. You aren't strong enough to tell her that you've started using again, because she needs to see you as important and powerful, but if you tell her, she'll finally see you for what you are—a loser. A screw up who manages to put on a nice suit and a smile and fool the world. If she finds that out, she won't belong to you anymore. If she knows that you got your buddies at the Dover PD to keep an eye out on her daughter's mother, in the hopes that someone will do something stupid enough so you can steal her baby back, then she'll lose her respect for you. She'll see through the illusion.

In the end, I guess I ran away from her. I didn't pack up and move out, but I went to my old dealer and I got a powder that was supposed to solve my problems so my wife wouldn't have to. Of course it was a mistake—my wife is a psychiatrist, for God's sake. She could have helped me, and she almost wanted to. She asked me to talk about what happened, but I could see that the sunshine was gone from her eyes. Two drowning people can't save each other, I thought. I guess I wanted her to force me, to use her science and look inside my soul so I wouldn't have to say it out loud, but she didn't. We have a line, even in marriage. So, I turned to cocaine to make me happy. I know better now. I know that I stopped being her husband after I lost my daughter.

I see the man that she married every once in a while, in the mirror on my way to a meeting. Sometimes, I'm clean enough to be strong for a day or two. Then, I'm weak again. I look into the mirror and I see that I was the idiot who got the best woman I ever knew to walk away. She hung on for so long, sometimes I could barely believe it. She never wanted to give up on me. I can still remember the day we were at the ambassador's wedding, and even though I spent the whole day trying to get away from her, she put her hands on my chest, straightened my tie, and pulled me close to her. I repaid her by making things so bad for her that she had to leave.

I know that I messed up. I know that I betrayed her so deeply that she'd be stupid to ever look my way again. And, in my heart, I know that I'll never be good enough for her. I never was. Can any man ever be good enough for Gillian? That is what I honestly don't know. I tried so hard to win her, why didn't I try to keep her? Why did I forget how precious she was to me? Now, I'm trying to forget her, the woman I spent half of my life with.

But when I go to sleep every night, Gillian and Sophie are in my dreams, and we're a family again.

THE END


	3. 2A Gillian

A/N: I honestly thought I was done with this, but The Muse came and whispered another set into my ear. Or, I'm just using this to cope with my _Lie to Me _withdrawal.

This pair is a little different from my first two. Instead of a character study where the characters are trying to explain themselves, this is more Gillian through Cal's eyes and vice versa. I moved away from first person this time, because I don't think I'm up to writing monologues for these two yet. Maybe another day. Feel free to give me some ideas/requests on what to do next. I am your humble servant.

BTW: I still don't own any television shows.

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Gillian

_"You think I'm naïve, just because I don't share your twisted view of the world."_

_-Gillian, "Pilot"_

Gillian Foster is not a lightning bolt.

Sure, she is breathtakingly beautiful. Any idiot can see that. She can walk into a room and put every man in a stupor. It's more than the way she dresses—it's her poise, and the way she smiles at you. She makes quite an impression, and somewhere, she knows it. But she's not a lightning bolt. After you get over the shock of her beauty, she opens her mouth and speaks to you, and then you know what she is. When that calm, soothing voice washes over you, you know that Gillian Foster is the beach when the rising tide laps gently at your feet. She is as warm and soft as sand, and you can sit there, take in her rays, and grow sleepy because you know that you're safe.

Then, one day, you wake up and find yourself enveloped by her tide. The warm, billowing water is all around you, and you're stuck. But you don't mind. The sun is still shining, and you have the strangest feeling that the water and the waves have reached deep into your soul and cleansed you from the inside out. Somehow, she's made you whole again, and you've been found. So you float, farther away from the world you knew, deeper into the great unknown. You lie on your back, and you just let her take you wherever she wants you to go, because she's made you happier than you thought you could ever be. You know now that she is where you belong.

Gillian isn't in the habit of asking for your soul. She gives you a part of hers, and she waits. She stands next to you, filling your life with light and warmth, and eventually, you give her everything. She never asked for it, and if she knew that you'd give your life to her, she'd feel guilty and pull away. So you don't tell her. You don't tell her how every woman you meet looks like a rag doll in comparison. You don't tell her that you savor every moment you spend with her. If she knows, you could lose her, and if you lose her, you'll drown in the ocean current, lost forever. Without her, you're a worthless bag of mostly water.

But she's not as perfect as you think. It shocks you the day you first see her faults, since you thought you had enough wickedness for the both of you. You thought you were the only one who had a price to pay. But she doubts herself. You can't understand it, but she just can't see how good she is. The men who have come into her life taught her that she was nothing, and she believes it, and it's killing her. But you won't stand for that. You'll use defibrillators if that's what you have to do to get the message through. She is beautiful. She is warm. She is everything to you.

It surprises you the day you realize that you love her. After all you've gone through, you thought love like that was a fairy tale. But it's as real as your beating heart, and you can't fight it. You try, before you admit that it makes you a better person. _She_ makes you a better person. And somehow, when you weren't looking, she reached into your heart and claimed it as her own. Maybe she is a lightning bolt, after all. All you know is that you need to be closer, you need to touch her, you need to hear her voice. You need to be enveloped by her waves.

One day, you'll be brave enough to tell her. One day, you'll know that it's the right time to take the biggest risk of your life. You can be frivolous with something you don't care about, but with precious Gillian, you have to be patient. You have to be the lapping tide. In time, she'll know everything.

But if you're honest with yourself, you know that just being her friend is more than you could ever deserve.

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A/N: Tomorrow: Cal from Gillian's perspective.


	4. 2B Cal

Cal

_"Bad boy fixated on finding the truth. She [Emily] probably feels like she's known him her whole life."_

_-Gillian, "Black Friday"_

Cal Lightman is a lightning bolt.

He is an enigma until he needs the truth, and then, he is so open any idiot can see who he is. He can walk into a room, flash a cleverly constructed smile, and fool everyone into thinking that he's a mystery until _ZAP!_ He's got you, and he knows it. Cal Lightman is a lightning bolt. He knows everything. He has no problem going right up to you and filling your whole body with electricity. When he wants the truth, he'll go in and take it from you in one breathtakingly exciting experience. Then he's gone. You check yourself over to find that while you don't have a mark on you, the pain that came with the thrill is still there, but it's quickly dissipating. And soon, all you really have is a jarring memory, and you realize that when he's around, you can never be safe.

Then, one day, you wake up and find that Cal isn't just a surging rush of electricity. Sometimes, he's the jolt from the defibrillator that starts your heart again after the pain has made it stop beating. He's the shock that reminds you that you're stuck, that you're better than this, and that it's time to break free. As you get to know him, his lightning softens into tiny barbs that pierce you from the inside out. Somehow, he made you see what you didn't know you were missing. He prods you deeper into the great unknown, learning the truth behind what you thought you knew. You can fight him, but he's opened your eyes to so many things. You know for the first time who you really are.

Cal isn't in the habit of beating around the bush. If he needs something from you, he will go in and take it. At first, you're afraid that he's going to hurt you, but when you look inside of him, you know he would give you everything. You never asked him to, and you feel a little guilty about it, but that doesn't make him pull away. So you tell him. You tell him that the girl he thinks is a goddess is actually a rag doll. You tell him that he shouldn't spend as much time with you as he does. If he knows, maybe you won't lose his trust, because if you lose that, you'll lose your soul along with it. Without him, you're just a wanderer lost in a fairy tale.

He's not as bad as you thought. It shocks you the day you first see that the zap he gives you is just the small price you pay for the truth. To see the beauty, you also have to see the wickedness. But he has faith in you. You don't know why, but he does. You've never met a man who made you feel so good about yourself. So, you stand by him. You try to free him of the guilt he carries with him. You try to show him the truth, just as he showed you. He is honest. He is noble. He is everything you need.

It surprises you the day you realize that you love him. The first day you met, you never thought you could love a man like that. But you know your beating heart belongs to him, and you can't help it. You have to admit to yourself that he makes you feel beautiful. _He_ makes you beautiful. How long have you belonged to him? You try to remember, but it came so slowly that you can't pinpoint it. Maybe he's not a lightning bolt, after all. All you know is how you feel when he's near you, and when he touches you, and when you hear his voice. You are fueled by his electricity.

You hate yourself for being too afraid to tell him. He's the risk taker—not you. You're always waiting for the right moment. But one day, you won't be able to keep it hidden from him anymore, not from Cal. One day, he will be the one getting a lightning bolt. One shocking revelation, and he'll know everything.

But then, if you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that he probably knows it already.

THE END

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A/N: Want some more? I'll mark this as complete, but I'll add more if/when I get inspired. Send me an idea, and I'll see what I can do. :) Thanks for all of the kind reviews so far!


	5. 3 Cal & Gillian

A/N: I wrote this installment at the suggestion of Rugbygirrl, who inspired all of the following. Thank you for the idea! I'm working on an Emily one (as requested by both Rugbygirrl and Fearsome Foursome), but it's taking a little more time. :)

As requested, this is two soliloquies fused into one. I hope you don't mind the redundancy—it's intentional. Cal's perspective is in normal font while Gillian's is in italics.

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Cal & _Gillian_

_"In this workplace, with everything we see, we have to be very clear on the rules."_

_"You and Foster have rules?"_

_"If there's something she wants to tell me, she will. Everything else—everything else I see, I ignore. I trust her to take care of herself."_

_"Wow, when did you get religion?"_

_-Cal & Ria, "The Best Policy"_

He sees it all in her face: pain, sadness, fear, regret, embarrassment. Those last three wouldn't be there if he weren't in the room. He gives her a chance to tell him why, but her eyes say something else: time to leave. Time to go into his head and erase what he saw, remembering only what she wants him to see. It stings, it aches to leave her alone like this when his arms long to be around her, his lips burn to kiss her, and all he wants to do is tell her that it's going to be alright. But he leaves her because he respects her. He leaves her because he loves her.

_The sting goes away when he closes the door. She takes a breath and relishes another chance to be alone. A chance to let the fear fade so she can tell the truth to herself. She hopes that he's already forgotten. She hopes that he'll choose to see the version of her that she likes, erasing whatever she couldn't hold back. If he can leave her alone when she needs it, if he doesn't have to tell her that everything is going to be alright when they both know that it isn't, then she knows that it's not so foolish to respect him so much. Then she knows that her love isn't going to waste._

He walks down the hallways, his hands in his pockets, and he wonders what it would feel like to lace his fingers around hers. He tries so hard not to run back into her office and break the one promise he's managed to keep. He would turn and sprint for her door if he hadn't already broken that same promise to someone else. If he hadn't already destroyed the trust of the woman he loved first. It's worth the pain if it means that he won't lose the trust of the woman he loves now.

_She's afraid that he's going to burst in at any second until she forces herself to remember that he's made a promise, because she trusts him enough to know that he'll keep it. She reminds herself of the woman he destroyed and how he's too smart to do it again. He wouldn't let himself feel that kind of pain twice. She sits in her chair and knows that now, it's okay to let the tears sprint down her cheeks, because he's not there to see it. Her sobs are mixed with gratitude._

The breath he takes in is deep enough that it cleanses the worry for a second. He tries to put himself in her shoes. He tries to remember the moments where he needed his secrets, and she was kind enough to let him keep them. Another breath simulates the relief he felt when she had let him be his own island, if only for a moment. She let him believe that he could fool her and that he could figure it out for himself, when they both knew that it was a fantasy. Thinking of it makes him smile as he continues his lonely walk. Then he remembers that she's in there alone, and he is completely useless. The pain grows new leaves.

_He has to know that everyone needs secrets. She thinks he understands this because of the times where she's held her breath, when she saw the expressions but didn't ask herself why. Then, the tears fall faster, because she is only now remembering how hard it is to look at someone who is in pain and let them be an island. When he left, letting her believe the fantasy that he was completely useless, it must have hurt him. How kind of him to let her think that she could figure this out alone. She wipes the tears from her face and stands up. She wobbles at first, but goes to the door and can make it creep open. She can look out into the hallway and call out his name._

He stops cold at a sound he could have only imagined. He blinks, keeping as still as possible so he can hear it if it comes again. It does. He turns and sees her, sees everything her face can tell him, but he still waits for the words to ask. Then, the words come, and he follows her voice. She has to be able to see how much he wants to help her, but he doesn't care. He gives her all of the power over what happens next, and in return, she's changed his curse back into a gift. She trusts him that much.

_Cal. Cal? Pause. Cal, can you come back here? I think I need someone to talk to. He's right there before she has the time to blink. She can see that he's just as relieved as she is that she's waived her right to privacy. At first, she's afraid to move, and she knows that he can see it. But she lets him see it. She goes in and sits down on her couch, and he waits for her to invite him to sit down. She loves him for that, for letting her keep her power when he doesn't have to. So she lets him use his gift to see right through her. She lets him see how much she trusts him. She trusts him enough to tell him everything._

He holds his breath when she puts her head on his shoulder, and he is very careful when he reaches to stroke her hair. He has to be gentle. He has to listen and stop himself from asking questions. He has to let her lead him wherever she needs to go. He smells her hair and falls in love with her all over again, but he keeps his mouth shut and his ears open. He answers _her_ questions. He puts his arms around her to show her that she is only as alone as she wants to be, and prays to God that he can stop the pain. He begs that he can be enough, because if he knows anything, he knows that she is more than he could have ever wanted.

_She's still shy, at first, but she needs to touch him. She needs to know that he's there, and her head is too heavy to hold up on her own. When he doesn't push away, and doesn't pull her closer, she hopes that she can tell him why her heart is breaking. She feels his fingers in her hair and it's enough to let her fears fall away. He hands her the silence and lets her do what she wants with it. So she lets the words fall out. She starts at the middle, then the end, then remembers the beginning, and even though it's all mixed up in her head, he just holds her and listens. When she asks him a question, he answers, then lets her talk again. As the hours pass and she purges the pain from her heart, she prays to thank God that she could have a man who can make her feel so loved. Then, for the first time all day, she smiles. Never in her life has she felt so wanted._

THE END


	6. 4A Emily & Zoe

A/N: I wrote this for Fearsome Foursome and Rugbygirrl, who wanted me to write about Zoe and Gillian from Emily's perspective. Thank you two for the suggestion! I hope it meets expectations. I'm still accepting ideas/requests, so if there's anything you want to see, please let me know. :)

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Zoe, According to Emily

"_Just please tell me you and Mom aren't, like, getting back together or something."_

_-Emily to Cal, "The Core of It"_

You're not supposed to want your parents to get divorced, right?

First, you need to know that my family is totally messed up. It's like some Greek tragedy, which means that we're probably all going to end up killing each other. Don't get me wrong—I love my mom and dad, but together they're like vinegar and baking soda. You'd be surprised how much you learn from parents who squabble and bicker all the time. They put me in a private school and spend all this time worrying about my grades, and yet they're surprised that I can figure out stuff like this. Whatever.

I just don't get why they don't get it.

Even as a kid, I could see that they didn't work well together. It's not like they're bad people, but when they're around each other, they act like they are. My dad is an unstoppable force, and my mom is an immovable object. It's high school physics. It's also common sense: parents should want each other to be happy, right? Isn't that what marriage is? Mine don't. My parents like making each other miserable, and trust me, when they're doing that, there's plenty of misery to spread around. It's getting really old.

And then there's those rare occasions where they're not fighting. Ew.

I'm not really sure why they are the way they are, but I know that my dad thinks my mom doesn't show enough affection. He's probably right—she's not the type of mom who stays home to bake you cookies or something. She shows that she cares about you by asking you why you're screwing up with your life. Well, that's what she does to him. To me, she just acts like a worried psychopath. I'm used to it, even though sometimes she acts like she's having a heart attack. As annoying as it is, sometimes I like that my mom freaks out over everything I do. If she didn't, she wouldn't be my mom, you know? But don't tell her I said that. I'm supposed to be aloof and resentful at this age.

My dad does his share of freaking out, too. My mom says that it's because he has control issues, but I think she just sees it that way because she has control issues of her own. The truth is that as nosey and invasive as he can be, he'll back off if you can just chill and not make a big deal about it. Of course, when it comes to my mom, it's not really an option.

Honestly, sometimes I look at those two and wonder how they ever got together in the first place. Then, I remind myself that I don't even want to know. Again—ew.

But here's something I have to think about: if my mom's a big-time attorney, and my dad's a human lie detector, what does that mean for me? If you ask my mom, it means that I have to end up just like her, but what if I don't want to? What if I end up majoring in psychology or something? I know I could never end up being a shrink. That would kill her. Of course, it's not like I know what I want. Maybe I should do something completely different that adequately annoys both of them. You know, equal treatment of both parties. They're all about that. I'd do it if I was as childish as they were. Or if I didn't love them.

One of these days, they're just going to have to get over each other. And I don't mean just date other people—that strategy has yet to work. I think they're just hung up over the fact that their marriage was a failure, and they're two people who don't like to lose. Or maybe it has something to do with me—like they feel guilty for screwing me up. Do you think that if I tell them that I've forgiven them, that they'll be able to move on? I mean, it's not like I blame them for anything. I just want the baking soda and the vinegar to stay in separate containers.

Of course, there's one person who could really help me figure out a solution to this problem, but I don't think I could forgive myself if I brought her into this mess. My parents give her enough grief already.

But at the same time, I have a feeling that if Gillian was added into the mix, everything would turn out okay.


	7. 4B Emily & Gillian

A/N: I usually don't upload two chapters at once because I find that people skip to the second chapter and miss the first. I thought that this time, I'd just tell you that this is the second new chapter. :)

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Gillian, According to Emily

"_He's so much happier when he's with you."_

_-Emily to Gillian, "Sacrifice" _

You're not supposed to want your dad to have an affair with his business partner, right?

I used to. I'm glad they didn't, because I'm pretty sure that my life would have ended in a murder-suicide. Don't get me wrong—I think that they go together better than french fries and a milkshake, but something that I learned from them was that relationships are all about timing. And if you ask me, I think that right now, the timing is perfect. Does that sound messed up? It probably is. But the truth of that matter is that my dad and Gillian belong together. I mean, duh.

How is it that a teenager like me can figure this out when they've both got PhDs?

Anyone could see that they're meant for each other. I figured it out as a kid, back when they were both still married. They're two good people, and when they're around each other, they get better. He's a negative charge, and she's a positive one. It's high school physics. And it's obvious. You're supposed to want your dad to be happy, right? Isn't that what love is? Well, Gill makes my dad happy. He's a big bag of misery, so that means a lot. If he's found someone who saves him from himself, shouldn't he hold on to her?

I mean, it's like even when they fight, they're not really fighting. They can go through hell, but at the end of the day, they're still there for each other. It's adorable.

I know that my dad thinks that Gill is naïve. It's probably because she looks like the kind of person who will stay home and bake you cookies. The funny thing is that in my experience, she takes things a lot better than he does. It must be all of that psychiatry work she's done—she's probably had to deal with psychopaths and other people who are a lot more messed up than I am. It's nice to know that there's at least one adult out there who won't freak out over everything I do. It means that I can tell her everything. If my dad knew about the times I wake her up to call her about boys, or my friends, or my mom, he'd have a heart attack.

I started to trust Gill because I knew that my dad did. I don't even think he realizes how much he relies on her. He thinks that he can control everything, but she's really the only person that stops him from constantly freaking out. She has this way of just making him chill that I've never seen before. Of course, when you work with my dad, it's kind of a job requirement.

But, sometimes I look at those two and wonder why they're not together already. Then I remind myself that they're probably too afraid to do what it takes to be happy.

Still, neither of them can deny that Gillian is a big part of his life. She's even a big part of mine. Sometimes, I wonder what I'm supposed to call my relationship with her. I guess it's weird if your best friend is more than twice your age. Maybe I should tell people that she's my godmother. It's the best thing I can think of. Gill doesn't tell me what to do—she asks me what I want to do. She tries to help me figure out what I want so I know how to handle what I'm going through. I know it's all shrink stuff, but it really helps. I know that she cares about me. If it wasn't for her, I'd probably resent my parents and do all of that stereotypical rebelling us teenagers are supposed to do. I feel like Gillian has taught me how to act like an adult without being one. That's why I love her.

One of these days, Gill and my dad are going to have to get over whatever is keeping the french fries and the milk shake apart. I've tried different strategies to help them get there, but I've yet to find one that works. I think that they're both so hung up on their failed marriages that they don't see what's right in front of them. It's like their divorces have made them afraid to date anyone else. Or maybe they think that if they get get together, it will mess me up. I've tried telling them that it won't. I honestly don't think that there's anything I can do to help them move towards each other, no matter how much I want it to happen.

Of course, I think there is probably one person who can shock them into their senses. But then, she's even more messed up than I am when it comes to Dad. Still, I think if she supported it, and maybe even gave them grief about not getting together, that they'd get the push they need.

But, at the same time, there's always that risk that if my mother gets mixed into this, everything will explode.

THE END

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A/N: UPDATE: I've gotten quite an avalanche of reviews lately--thank you so much! You've given me a lot of great ideas, and if you're willing to be patient with me, I'm going to try to get to all of them. The more you review, the longer this series will be, so let's see where this goes, shall we? :) You are awesome. Thanks again for your support!


	8. 5A Gillian & Zoe

A/N: This is for Fearsome Foursome, who wanted me to write about how Gillian and Zoe feel about each other. It was something of a challenge, especially Gillian's perspective, but challenge is good for me. :) Since I get the feeling that Gillian and Zoe only really see each other through the prism of Cal, it kind of turned into how Gillian feels about Zoe and Cal, and vice versa. Let me know if you think I was able to capture Gillian's voice (and be honest), because I need to know if I can continue like this in the future. Thanks!

* * *

Zoe, According to Gillian

"_Do you not remember what it was like after she left? You wore the same shirt to the office every day for a month."_

_-Gillian, to Cal about Zoe, "Better Half"_

Zoe and Cal's marriage is, of course, none of my business.

In fact, let me just say that I would have much preferred it if the whole divorce was kept out of my business entirely, but with those two, you can always expect trouble. She would bait him, and he would lap it up. Intellectually, I can understand the psychological reasons for what's going on, but in practice, it still baffles me. You would think that he would see what she does to him. For a man who spent his whole life trying to unravel the human brain, he is clueless when it comes that woman.

Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. She _is_ Emily's mother.

I don't hate her. I admit, I used to. When Cal would come into the office wearing that same shirt because of what she'd done—he still lives with the pain of being abandoned by his mother. He didn't need to feel that pain again, not from someone who he gave his life to. I know what that feels like, and just the thought that Cal—how could she do that to him? All it does is reinforce his doubts in humanity, which, in turn, makes him push away from the ones who care about him. So yes, that made me . . . well, we were never on good terms.

It wasn't until she left him that I started to see her side of the story. A little. I guess that when he didn't have her to go home to, I learned something about being scrutinized. It didn't drive me away, but it made me realize that it's hard to be side by side with someone who judges you based on every fleeting thought. I feel lucky that Cal is different with me than he was to her, that we have boundaries that remind us that the other is human. Sometimes I wonder if the line we draw is the reason that I'm here and she's not. On the other hand, I see the look in her eyes when she spars with him, and I see the way he hangs his head after she leaves. Then I know whom to feel bad for.

Zoe does to Cal what cocaine does to Alec. He can say that he's done with her, but I've heard that promise before. It always ends in heartbreak. No matter how much you love them, men will always love something else more. When they're in love, you can't help them. You certainly can't control them, though you want to. No, they get one whiff, and they risk everything for something that they know is going to sting. All for that rush. And what am I supposed to do? Stand by and watch so that after they've had their fun, I can pick up the pieces? The only difference is that the cocaine isn't going out of its way to hurt anybody, and Zoe really should know better. Schadenfreude doesn't make for a good fashion accessory.

Sometimes, I feel brave enough to try to get a closer look at her, instead of just studying her through transparent walls. It's the scientist in me. I have to wonder what makes a woman tick like that, why she leaves a man, then comes back to flirt with the him when someone else wants to marry her. And there has to be some scientific explanation for why they each think that they can tame the other. Honestly, it's ridiculous. Not that it's my place to judge, of course. When I have the courage to look into her eyes, it's the enmity that gets me. She attacks with it and hides behind it all at the same time. I guess I'll never understand why she is the way she is.

Maybe it's better that way.

I wouldn't be saying any of this if she had managed to stay away. I was more than content to forget about her after she reverted to her maiden name. I didn't miss the shrill voice assaulting the hallways, or the screams—muffled or otherwise—coming from Cal's study. I especially didn't miss the evil eye pointed in my direction. But the moment I saw her back in the building, I knew she was going to keep popping up, and with her would come the awkward handshakes, the angry sighs, and the anguished Cal. It's days like those that I'm grateful I don't have to work _every_ case with him, because when she's within a one-mile radius, there's no way to get him to understand just what he's getting into.

The secret that I won't tell anyone is that I fear Zoe most when she interrupts the precious time I have to spend with Emily. Her mother tried to make me feel like a thief, like the other woman, even though I did nothing wrong with Cal. With Emily, that's exactly what I am. Or at least, that's who I want to be. I don't try to turn Emily against her mother—that would be wrong. But I do hold on to the seconds we spend together, and at every tick of the clock, a part of my brain is hoping Zoe will never come to claim her.

I don't think I even want to admit to myself the other things that I hope she'll never claim.

Maybe, one day, Cal will get over her. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm just watching, looking for a sign, any kind of sign. When he's over her, I'll have one less thing to worry about.

* * *

A/N: I haven't finished Zoe's response but it's coming soon. In the meantime, let me just say that I am so flattered that you people seem to like these, so thank you so much for your kind words! Especially you, #LtMTeamAwesome. You guys rock.


	9. 5B Zoe & Gillian

A/N: Again, this is for Fearsome Foursome, made possible in part by #LTMTeamAwesome. Enjoy!

* * *

Gillian, According to Zoe

"_She's calling."_

_-Zoe, to Cal about Gillian, "Better Half"_

Gillian Foster needs to get out of my life.

I knew the moment I met her that she was trouble. Everyone thought I was crazy, but they don't see her for what she is. They think she's coy and innocent, that she minds her own business and stays out of the way. Idiots. I know that it's a pretense. It's an act that disarms people so she can soak her way into their skin. And it works, as you can see. Cal follows her around like a lap dog. You would think that he would see what she does to him. For a man who spent his whole life trying to steal the world's decency, he is clueless when it comes that woman.

What, are you surprised I would say something like that? She's not perfect, even though she wants everyone to think she is.

I wish I could hate her. I hate that I can't hate her, if you can believe it. I hate that she could put up with him when I couldn't. I hate that when I left, she was there by his side coddling him like she was his mother. I was the one who should have been there, but I wasn't. I was the one who was hurting him, and it's because I pushed him away that he learned that she's the one who cares about him. But does that matter? _I _was his wife. She had no right to barge in and wrap her tendrils around him. I think what I hate most is that out of all of humanity, he doubts everyone but her. He'd give his life to her if she let him.

She doesn't know the Cal I know. If she did, this would be completely different story. For me, being scrutinized by a judge is easy, but living side by side with a man that reads your thoughts—that's impossible. She wouldn't know what that's like, because he doesn't see her the way he sees me. He's given her something that I will never have—respect. That's why the bad boy agrees to stay within the boundaries. That's why they can spar all they want, and still be okay afterwards. I'm not sure if it makes me sick or jealous. I know it breaks my heart. What, you didn't think I had one?

What's sad is that she's addicted to picking up his pieces and sweeping his broken promises under a rug. It's her cocaine. And I'm not surprised that he's addicted to her. No matter how much you love a man, you can't stop him from loving someone else. But, I suppose you can't control who you fall in love with. Believe me, I've tried. That's something Gillian hasn't figured out yet, but she really should know better. She thinks she's got him tightly around her finger, but she won't be able to stop him from falling in love when he finds a woman who has better fashion accessories. Then, he'll lose interest in her, just like he lost interest in me. He'll find the thrill is gone, and she'll learn how much that stings.

Sometimes, I think she knows that Cal's betrayal is as inevitable for her as it was for me. Why? I see her staring at me through those transparent walls, as if she's trying create some kind of psychic connection with my brain. So, I show her exactly what it feels like. I go right into her territory and mess with the she thinks is her man. That way, she'll understand what I felt like when she and Cal started their business in my kitchen. After all, she think that she has everything in her life wrapped in a bow, why not pull a little bit at the ribbon? Schadenfreude can be truly delicious.

I know that _I _like it that way.

It's perfect payback for all of the crap that she put me through during my marriage, because Heaven knows that I couldn't keep that woman away from us. She would call him at three in the morning, and he'd run out the door. It was like she had to work _every_ case with him, and when she called, he always answered. I used to tell him that he couldn't do her bidding just because she's within a one-mile radius, but you know Cal. There's no way to get him to understand just what he's getting into. She's got him so whipped that all she has to do is give him the evil eye to anguish him into submission. Make-up sex in his study can't help when the other woman had a hold on him like that. After a while, there was no point in being married to him anymore.

I take consolation in the fact that Emily is the one thing I have that not even Gillian can steal away. I know that she's tried to turn my daughter against me, but she chose the wrong girl to mess with. I can get over the fact that she stole my husband away, as long as I know that for every second the clock ticks, I have a daughter who is completely devoted to me.

Maybe, one day, she'll get over herself. It won't stop the enmity between us, but it will crash her notion that Cal will be there for her when things get rough. That couldn't be clearer than a neon sign—it's too bad she hasn't figured it out yet. I keep waiting, and watching. One day, poor, manipulative Gillian will realize that she can't tame Cal any better than I could, and then, maybe she'll finally get over him.

THE END

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Coming soon: Ria and Loker.


	10. 6A Eli

A/N: Even though I don't really like him, I really respect _Lie to Me_'s writers for the way they handle Loker. Every once in a while, right when we think we've got him figured out, they throw us a chewy little morsel of information that makes us completely re-evaluate our preconceptions. This is my attempt to make sense of the seemingly contradictory details that we know about this guy.

* * *

Eli

"_You know, my father used to always say that there are four rules for getting married. You need a woman who loves you unconditionally, a woman who will always challenge you, a woman who you always want to make love to, and most important of all, you have to make sure that none of those women ever meet. It wasn't really a joke when my father said it, either. It was more like [an] autobiography."_

_-Eli, "Love Always"_

I really hope that my dad hasn't screwed me up forever. We used to spend a lot of time together when I was a kid, just my dad and me. I know that people look at me and just see a nerd, but that's definitely not the way I was raised. My dad's not one for clinical studies and pie charts, so I wasn't the boy who got a chemistry set for Christmas. But of course, it didn't matter—I never wanted one. I just wanted to be more like him. And who wouldn't? He was a self-made man. He came out of nothing and founded a multi-million dollar company with his two bare hands, and with the kind of success that no one in my family had ever came close to achieving before. He _was_ the American dream. How could you not want that?

We used to go hunting, if you can believe it. My grandma owns this nice piece of land in Virginia, right by the Blue Ridge Mountains, and we used to go shooting there all the time. In the fall, Dad would take time out of his board meetings, and it would be my job to bag the Thanksgiving turkey. I'd be so proud when I could get a big one. My dad would take out his big knife and help me clean it so we could bring it home to my mom, and we'd have these long talks about women-folk and The Way the World Was. I don't know how to explain it, but meat tastes better when you've killed it yourself. Or, it used to. I don't really eat meat anymore. These days, even being around a gun makes me nervous, something that I'm sure Reynolds picks up on. Sometimes I wonder what he'd say if he knew that I used to be good with a rifle.

He was a tough guy, my dad. The kind who can walk into a room and make everybody take notice. He was smart, too. By the time he was thirty-five, he'd built up his business so well that it practically ran without him. That left him plenty of free time to throw around a ball in the yard and come to my little league games. When William Loker was in the stands rooting for you, it wasn't hard to get to the head of the pack. It didn't matter that I was awkward and shy. Let's just say that I was never the kind of kid who was short on friends, and I had my dad to thank for it. Well, that and the fact that New Kids on the Block sang at my birthday party.

Never did I once pick up on it. Not once. That's how good he was at hiding it. I was as surprised as my mom was when she found out that he had not one, but two mistresses. I turned out that all of that free time he'd had, when he told us he was doing charity work, he was actually doing something very—well, this is the part where Foster stops me, so we'll leave it at that. What really surprised me, even more than the affairs, was that one of his mistresses was on his board of directors. She'd been a friend of the family so long that you can see her in my parent's wedding photos, which were taken about the same time they started sleeping together. The other was some blonde stripper he replaced every couple of years. It really confused me back then, but looking back, all those father-son talks we had make a lot more sense.

My mom was devastated, of course. Women who go through what she did tend to be wound very tight, to put it mildly. I didn't know her very well before it was just us. I used to kind of just think of her as the woman with the apron. I had no idea what to do with her when she walked around the house crying all day. I made a comment once about what time of the month it was, and she slapped me for the first time, hard. She told me that she'd given her whole life to my father, and that he'd turned his back on us. That was when I started to hate him, even though Mom told me not to. Sometimes I couldn't sleep because I hated him so much. There were just so many things going on that I didn't understand.

Somewhere in the midst of all of that, I found a book about apes and started reading. The parallels are unbelievable. I found another book after that, and another. Before you knew it, I was in Lightman's lab, wearing collared shirts and sneakers. At some point during my first few weeks with Foster, I made a remark that sounded like something my dad would say. She didn't slap me, but she gave me a look that could melt steel. My whole perspective on women changed after that. Between working for Foster and all of that feminist lit I've been reading, I'd like to think that this apple is inching a little farther from the tree every day. I'd never do what he did. I'm many things, but I'm neither a womanizer nor a liar.

Sure, I don't run a huge company, but I don't need to. This job is better than anything I could have dreamed. It's a small castle, of course, but I'm the king. That's all the power I need. As long as I deliver results, people let me do things my way. Most of the time, I like to just fade into the background and watch people. All of that sitting and waiting I did as a hunter had to be good for something. You wouldn't believe the things that I know about this place, and especially about my bosses. That's a story for another day.

I know that Lightman knows about my family situation, though you can bet that he didn't hear it from me. Lightman doesn't get to where he is without having sources, and he wouldn't cut off a guy's wages if that guy didn't have a trust fund to fall back on. I think he knew that I was hoping I'd never have to use it for anything other than tuition. It was like he was reminding me that I came from the same stock as the Hollins. Well, lesson learned. He put on such a good show, you almost wouldn't think that Foster was the true mastermind behind it all. I wouldn't have caught it if I wasn't watching.

My dad still calls me on birthdays and Christmases. He doesn't say much, just asks me how much I'm making and sees if I need any financial help. Then, he says he expects a call around Father's Day, which he never gets. I just know that if I get too close to him, well, maybe I'll be the person I used to be. Maybe I'll forget about all of the crap he put my mother through and regress into the ape he is. I can't risk that when I've finally found a woman that I can have a healthy relationship with. When you find a woman who finds your quirky ways endearing, who treats you like an equal even though she is way out of your league, you do what you can to keep her around. One woman like that is better than three who aren't. So, I try to learn a little more each day how to be the kind of man that Ria needs me to be.

Of course, if she knew, she'd just laugh at me.

* * *

A/N: Tomorrow: Ria.


	11. 6B Ria

A/N: I forgot to mention that I wrote this pair of stories for Solivagant. Thank you for your idea, and for the kind words! :)

If you like this piece about Ria, you might want to check out an alternate take I wrote called "Bottoms Up."

* * *

Ria

"_Have you ever had any specialized deception training?"_

"_I've dated a lot of men."_

_-Cal and Ria, "Pilot"_

People always think that when you have an abusive father, every memory you have of him is bad. It's not true. I know that he loved me. I could tell because after he threw me down, he would pick me up and take me out for ice cream. Or to the hospital. My dad was just a mechanic, but he was lucky enough to have an old girlfriend who was a nurse. So no one asked questions, and that made both of us happy. He was my dad, after all. If he went to prison, then what would happen to my mom? Or my sister? Things were hard where I grew up—I knew that. I knew we needed two incomes to survive. So I kept my mouth shut, or told people that I was clumsy. And when I got older, I started playing sports. No one asks about your injuries when you play sports.

Never once did anyone pick up on it. Not once. Well, at least, no one who would have done anything about it. That's how good I am at hiding things. That's how good I was at taking punishment. It was something that made me proud of myself, that I could keep that part of my life a secret. But when the most important man in your life treats you a certain way, you grow up thinking that all men are like that. That's the way the world was. So, when you meet a guy who says that you're pretty and gives you presents, you fall for him. Never mind that he got your necklace at gunpoint. Never mind that when you say the wrong thing, you get that gun in your face. That's just the way the world was. It's never going to change, right? So all you could do was try to find the best man that you could, and even though they all hurt you, and lied to you, and cheated on you, it was the best you were ever going to get. That's what you were worth.

I don't do that anymore. Not after my boyfriend broke my nose. One day, he said I wasn't walking fast enough, and he turned and hit me with a board. Don't get me wrong—I was more than willing to take it. But when you have to have surgery, you don't just go to the E. R. nurse. You go to someone who doesn't care more about flirting with a monster than the safety of a little girl. And if you're really lucky, you'll go to a doctor who sits you down in her office and tells you that you're better than that. Who tells you that you're strong, and you don't need a man in your life if all he's going to do is hurt you. Better to be alone, she said. I'd never even thought of being alone before. My dad was so tough—I couldn't imagine being strong enough to get away from him, or the guys I dated, or every other man who had ever looked the other way. It seemed like a dream. But the doctor put her hand on my shoulder and told me that I could do it, even if I had to build a new life with my bare hands.

So, that's what I did. Right after I graduated from high school—I left and I never looked back. I asked my sister to come with me, but she was too awkward and shy to think of anything but being dependent on our enemy. My mother, well, she was devastated. She felt like I turned my back on them. But I didn't know what I could do. They didn't want to come with me, and I had to get out. I had to get out and make it so no one could hurt me again. I had to go out and be as tough as he was, or tougher. I had to be in a position where _I _was the one with the power. So, I ended up screening bags at the airport, and it was a pretty sweet gig. No one gets how great that job was for me. I had a badge, and if any guys gave me crap, I made them regret it. It felt good to give some back, you know? It was like I ruled my own little world. I was the best in my field, and no one could touch me. That's what I liked the most.

It wasn't until I met Foster that I realized how angry I was. She's the one who told me that it's not normal to stay up in the middle of the night because you're filled up with hate. She's the one who handed me a book on the psychology behind child abuse and helped me understand what was going on inside of me. She even told me to forgive him, if you can believe it. I thought she was crazy at first, or that she was treating me like some charity case, but then she told me about her own father. She didn't say much, but I know how to recognize it when the pain goes deep. You can't help but respect a woman like that, and you especially can't help but hate the men who hurt her. So you take what she has to say, and you try it out. And when you start to do as she says, you stop seeing every man as the devil. It's weird how good that feels. It's weird when you wake up one day and find that you've lifted a weight off of you. It feels so good when you realize that after so long, the wounds are finally closing.

I don't ever want to believe that he's screwed me up forever. I like to think that every day, I strip a little piece of him off of me. I like to think that I'm stronger than he was, and that overcoming this is making me even stronger. There has to be a reason, right? That's why I wear this cross around my neck. There has to be a reason. I mean, this great job—no, it's a career—just got dropped in my lap. I have to believe that there's Someone behind that. Maybe the pain I went through was a kind of down payment on the life I have ahead of me. Well, whether it is or not, I can't let him take that away from me.

I won't.

You know how I know that I'm making progress? When a nerd in a collared shirt and sneakers works side by side with me, and I don't mind so much. Even when he says outrageous things. Even when Lightman pushes me and pushes me until I don't know how far I can go. No matter what they do, I don't have to flinch when they get close to me. I know that I'm safe here. I know that they won't hurt me, and if they did, I'm strong enough to handle it. And somewhere in the midst of everything, I realized that I have a good boss and a better friend. I realized that even though Loker is awkward, he's not a womanizer, and he's not that much of a liar. And maybe I've finally found a man that I'm not afraid of. Maybe I've found a guy that I can actually have a healthy relationship with.

Of course, if I told him how much that meant to me, we would never be able to deflate his ego.

THE END

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A/N: I'm planning on doing Gillian and Ben next. I don't know when it'll be up, but thank you for your patience. :)


	12. 7A Mark

A/N: I like to think that there's more to Gillian than The Lightman Group, and that she has her own private life that she doesn't care to talk about. And since I've been in a serious writing drought for the past few months, I thought I'd attempt at breaking back into the habit by exploring a little bit of that life of hers.

* * *

Mark

_"Our accountant says we can't make payroll next week."_

_"Terrific, start the layoffs then."_

_"The situation is serious, and keeping your daughter here as buffer is not going to keep me from yelling until I get through to you!"_

_-Gillian and Cal, "Teacher and Pupils"_

It took me three years to find out that Gillian Foster was a deception expert.

She would just sit there, watching us, waiting her turn as the group discussed everything from Dante to Dan Brown, and never once gave a hint that Gillian could see all our secrets. She'd just nod quietly, fold her hands over one impeccable outfit after another, and occasionally try to hide a smile the way a woman does.

We all knew that she was a psychologist, but I'd assumed that Gillian didn't want to talk about work because she spent her days listening to patients gripe about their childhoods. I had no idea that the confidentiality she hid behind was the federal sort, or that she would sneak in chapters of _Wicked_ in between crime scenes instead of reading on lunch breaks like the rest of us.

We were heading home after a great discussion on _The Kite Runner _when I felt a pull on my suit coat, and there she was, asking if we could stop somewhere for coffee. I'm not stupid. I'd noticed when that wedding ring disappeared. I had it memorized a long time ago.

It was a little bit of a let down when I found out why she wanted to talk, but only a little. When you're a stock broker, having people ask you for financial advice is something of an occupational hazard. You get used to it. And if that's what brings Gillian to the table, then that's what brings Gillian to the table.

It was hard for her to dish out the details, but that's the kind of woman she is: mysterious. Private. Shy. It took a whole five minutes of small talk spoken directly into her mocha before she came out with it. Deception detection. Vocal patterns. And, of course, financial hardship. I didn't get it at first. It seemed like a gold mine, and when you get that kind of respectability, you can really rake in the dough if you have the right business model. Gillian sure seemed to know what she was doing, so it just didn't make sense. She had to be leaving something out.

And that's when Gillian told me about him. Her partner. Mr. Name-on-the-Door. Those guys are my bread and butter, and they're all the same. Cocky. Arrogant. Impulsive. It wasn't until she unraveled the entire soap opera of ex-wives and heiresses that I really started feeling for her. This guy she works with has to be the biggest jerk that ever breathed, gambling away her company like that, after she'd most likely built it from the ground up while he picked his teeth and put on a grand show. That's the way it usually works.

I almost told her everything right there. I almost told her that she was the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen. I almost told her that I would have quit book club years ago if it wasn't for her. And in a moment of stupidity, I almost told her that sometimes I liked to close my eyes and just listen to the sound of her voice.

And that was when I saw it. Gillian tensed up and backed away, like she could hear what I was thinking, and then I realized—she could. This was right in Gillian's wheelhouse. I might as well have told her everything.

I almost choked on my espresso.

There was a sadness in her eyes at that moment, something different than the embarrassment she'd shown earlier when she'd talked about making ends meet. It was as if she wasn't even surprised. And that's when I really understood Gillian. Three years of sitting in a circle with her once a week, and I finally knew her.

I'd been in love with Gillian since the first day I met her, and it took me three years to find out that she's always known.

* * *

The second half of this will be coming soonish! And don't worry, I'm still working on the other ones I've promised. It's just talking a little time. :)


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